Random Thoughts while Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

A lady in France named Lilly has a robot.

She made it herself with a 3-D printer. It is life-sized and nice looking, if you like stark white plastic. Lilly says she loves her robot, named InMoovator, and says they are engaged and that she will marry InMoovator as soon as it is legal in France. On her Twitter page, which has since been deleted, she reportedly said, “I’m a proud robosexual, we don’t hurt anybody, we are just happy.” How do you know when a robot is happy? Robots don’t generally have human emotions. Well, at least they won’t be having any offspring or off-bots. Where does the word “robot” come from? Its origin is a Czech word, “robota,” which means compulsory labor. I still don’t think there can be any offspring even if there is compulsory labor.

In the low temperatures we have experienced this winter (like 18 degrees and 12 degrees), we were frequently told about the wind chill factor. If it was 18 degrees and the wind was blowing, it really felt like ZERO. If it feels like zero to us, why doesn’t the thermometer feel like zero? I guess the wind can’t get inside the glass tube. So maybe someone should invent large glass tubes for us to get into on very cold days. It would be tough to get in a car, but lots of things in life have trade-offs.

Speaking of glass tubes, I saw an ad for a lightbulb that would last a lifetime. I wonder whose lifetime? If it is my grandchildren’s lifetime, that would be a good deal. If it’s my lifetime, maybe not so much.

Have you noticed that older people talk a lot about being old? If you read this column often, you will have noticed. We old folks talk about being old because old age affects so much that we do. For instance, my memory isn’t nearly as good as it used to be. And another thing, my memory isn’t nearly as good as it used to be.

It is absolutely, categorically not true that I am older than dirt. It is true, however, that I’m older than potting soil.

A good example of old age: An older gentleman told his best friend that he was having an affair. The friend asked, “Are you having it catered?”

You’ve heard of the dessert Death by Chocolate. Well, a Russian woman died after falling into a vat of chocolate. Someone said that she may have dropped her cellphone and tried to retrieve it and fell into the vat. If it weren’t for the lost phone, she might have died happy. This sad story is a good example of how important our mobile phones are to us. One of the new words created in 2016 was “nomophobia” which is the fear of being without one’s mobile phone. I’ll bet there are more cases of nomophobia than homophobia. It could also be no-mo-phoneia.

I can vaguely remember when I was smarter than my phone. I now have a smart TV, and I appear to be getting dumber each day.

A recent survey said that Texas has the worst drivers in the U.S. Actually, we were tied with our neighbors in Louisiana for “worst.” Come on, guys. With a little more effort, we can be a stand-alone No. 1.

I remember hearing that December 21 was the shortest day of the year. I guess that means sometime around June 21 we will have the tallest day of the year.

On a scale of one to 10, how do you rate the number six?

IF I WERE KING: Congress would pass a law making it illegal for presidents to tweet.