Random Thoughts while Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

A Men's Health magazine

Survey said that 40 percent of men shave their legs. Really? I’ve known many men in my long life, and I’d bet your life that none of them has ever shaved his legs, or even one leg. Why would they? Maybe it’s a millennial thing. What is a millennial? Someone who was born between 1980 and 1996, according to Gallup. Those people are now age 20 to 36. I don’t know too many of them, but if they are all shaving their legs, maybe I don’t want to.

I’ve seen a TV ad for a new Dyson vacuum cleaner. It has many attachments. You can vacuum everything from the basement (except in Texas) to the ceiling. Then when you finish, you can hang it on the wall in your family room. I’m not kidding. The ad shows the lady hanging the vacuum on the wall in her family room area, right there in front of God and everybody. I can’t imagine anyone doing that. Maybe millennials?

Vicki asked me recently what I wanted for supper. I told her, but she said I was wrong. Oh well.

One day a few years back (not that I haven’t gotten over it), Vicki noticed that I had missed a belt loop when putting my belt on. She told my kids that it was a definite sign of diminishing mental capacity or perhaps early onset stupidity. Everyone laughed at my expense. I was offended (not that I haven’t gotten over it). Then about a week ago I did it again, and she noticed it again. This time I wasn’t publicly shamed, but it did get me to thinking about belt loops. (Haven’t we all spent time pondering belt loops?) I looked in my closet, and some of my pants have five loops, some six and some seven. No wonder I miss one every few years. We need a belt loop consistency law. Maybe next year President Trump can sign an executive order.

Speaking of President-elect Trump, did you know that there is a word “trumpery”? It means “worthless nonsense.” It is not a new word and probably has no relationship to anyone living or dead.

I’m sure you saw that Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize in literature. He is the first singer-songwriter to win the award. Congratulations. In 2008 he won a special citation from the Pulitzer Prize folks. He could have won the Pulitzer Prize for poetry or music, but there was a major disagreement among the judges. It was a Pulitzer Prize Fight.

During the election period (wasn’t it about five years long?) there was frequent talk about “drinking the Kool-Aid.” The phrase means to accept without question some idea or person. Where did it come from? Younger folks (see millennials?) may not know. In 1978 a strange man named Jim Jones had a large cult following of equally strange people. He believed in apostolic socialism, or communism, and was very anti-religious. Somehow he talked his followers to move with him to Guyana. A congressman arrived to investigate rumors of human rights abuses in the cult, and he was murdered. Jones then realized that he was in serious trouble and convinced his cult members to drink Kool-Aid, or Flavor Aid, laced with cyanide. He called it a “revolutionary suicide.” Over 900 people (none of whom were millennials), including more than 300 children, died from drinking the Kool-Aid poison. Jones, however, died from a gunshot wound to the head. He didn’t drink the Kool-Aid, and you shouldn’t either.

IF I WERE KING: Negative campaigning would be illegal, therefore ending political campaigns. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.