Random Thoughts while Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Almost everything is awesome these

Days. I think it’s time to move on and find a new superlative. Goodbye, awesome. It’s been awesome. Why does awesome just have “some” awe? Shouldn’t it be “full” of awe? Of course, that would be aweful, which might be kind of awful. Cool, swell, neat, groovy, marvelous, dynamite, out-of-sight and fabulous (fab) have been done. How about stupendous or splendid or even superlative? Any of those choices would be boffo.

Speaking of words, I get two emails daily about the definitions of words. One is from dictionary.com and the other from wordsmith.org. They both give you a word and the chance to see if you can define it, and then they show you the definition. It is rare that I know them. Some of the words are very obscure. Occasionally they will use words that I am familiar with, but it is still hard to come up with an accurate definition. The other day the word was “etymology.” I immediately thought, “the study of bugs.” I was embarrassed when I realized that I was thinking of “entomology.” Etymology is the study of the origin of words. I then wondered about the etymology of entomology. It comes from the Greek words entomos, meaning insect, and temnein, meaning to cut up. It’s all Greek to me.

A friend said that he was going to have an MRI to determine whether or not he was claustrophobic.

Another friend said that he couldn’t afford to go to Great Britain so he was going to go to Pretty Good Britain.

I sometimes have to ask Vicki whether to wrap some food item in tin foil or Saran Wrap. Saran Wrap is kind of generic, like Coke or Kleenex. We don’t always use Saran Wrap but some other brand (like Cling, which frequently doesn’t), and we don’t have any tin foil, just aluminum foil. What happened to tin foil, you ask? Tin foil was invented way back in the late 1800s and was “awesome” until after World War II when aluminum foil became much more popular. Aluminum foil was also invented in the late 1800s but was slow to catch on. The switch happened because people thought that food wrapped in tin foil had a tinny taste. I don’t know what aluminum tastes like, and that’s a good thing.

Speaking of taste, for 50 years an acquaintance was never seen without an unlit cigar in this mouth. He passed away, and, sure enough, in the casket he had that cigar in this mouth. Friends might not have recognized him otherwise. Hope the Environmental Protection Agency doesn’t hear about it.

I recently went to a Marlin High School reunion that we had in Waco. Everyone was very impressed at how Downtown Waco has advanced into a cool (awesome?) destination. Anyway a female classmate said, “You know you’re old when you go to a high school reunion and don’t buy any new clothes.” I think she’s right. I didn’t even think about it.

I just don’t get this whole creepy clown deal. I was at a restaurant recently, and there was a man making balloon animals for kids. He was not dressed as a clown but could have been if it weren’t considered creepy. It will be strange to go to a circus and see clowns dressed in office casual.

It was reported that attendance at last month’s support group meeting for people who had accidentally been turned invisible was awful (not full of awe). At least they think it was.

There are a lot of private detectives on TV. I wonder what would happen if you hired two private detectives to follow each other around?

IF I WERE KING: Private detectives would travel the country de-creeping clowns.

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