Random Thoughts while Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

You may have noticed that the world is getting

More bizarre each day. Lots of crazy people saying and doing lots of crazy things. Especially in politics. Crazies on the left and crazies on the right. Could it be because the Earth is bi-polar? Remember that it’s the bi-polar bears that you have to watch out for (for which you have to watch).

And also remember that common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

I read that Yeti has a new koozie that will keep a beer cold for an hour. Is that really necessary? Do you know anybody who takes an hour to drink a beer? Are there beer-sippers, like tea-sippers? Where did the name Yeti come from? (It may mean “extremely expensive” in some foreign language.) Actually, yeti is a Tibetan word that means something like “man-bear.” The Abominable Snowman is called a yeti. The Abominable Snowman may or may not be a myth. Several expeditions have tried to find him without success. Of course, he could be a she, the Somewhat Less Than Abominable Snowwoman. I think the yeti is hiding out with Sasquatch in East Texas just waiting for a big snow. While the word yeti comes from Tibet, the very successful cooler company is headquartered in Austin, and I guess that a snow creature is a good name for a cooler.

I recently read about a shark species, the Greenland shark, that is said to have an average lifespan of 392 years plus or minus another 120 years. That’s an awfully long time to swim around looking for smaller fish to eat. Do fish fish? Wonder if they have retirement venues? Senior shark parks?

I was thinking about age because I recently had a birthday. I noticed that I’m not getting more respect as I get more old. One birthday card said that I should keep moving or someone might put a slipcover over me. Another card said that in dog years, I was dead.

How old is old? Is 60 the new 40? Is 70 the new 50? Is 50 the new 30? Methuselah was said to have lived to be 969. That’s 6,783 in dog years. Some say that it was really 969 months instead of years, which would mean he was almost 81 years old. The average life expectancy today for American men is 76, and for women it is 81. That is obvious gender discrimination, and the liberals should do something about it. Equity is non-negotiable. We can’t wait on Congress, so maybe President Obama could issue an executive order. Would it be for men to live longer or for women to die sooner? The devil will be in the details.

Speaking of dogs (as in dog years), I read recently that the first-ever identical twin dogs had been born. Who knew that dogs were like snowflakes, each one different? I would have thought that litters of dogs would be twins, triplets, quadruplets, octuplets or whatever. But according to the journal “Reproduction in Domestic Animals” (you may have missed last month’s issue), the first proven twin dogs were born in South Africa. There were five other siblings (or doglings), but these two were said to be the first proven monozygotic twin dogs. They shared the same placenta — sharing is caring. Romulus and Cullen are doing well, although it’s hard to know which one to call by which name. Maybe different colored collars? I can’t imagine why they didn’t name them Romulus and Remus.

Vicki says that if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it like your wife told you to.

IF I WERE KING: Everyone would respect the national anthem. You don’t have to sing it. Just respect it.