Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

I read a story about a man who, many years ago, filled up a long sock with Cheerios and then soaked the sock in water and let it dry. It became very hard. The man then attacked another man with the sock weapon, hitting him repeatedly in the head, killing him. This was, perhaps, the first example of a cereal killer.

Cadillac has a frequently running TV ad promoting its SUV with three row seating, good for you and five others. The ad says “Everyone has a crew. A stone cold, never blink, walk in slow motion crew.” I don’t have a crew. Even if I did, there wouldn’t be room for five peers of mine and their wheelchairs or walkers.

You hear of very wealthy individuals who made their riches as a “hedge fund manager.” I don’t know exactly what that is, but if I were involved I would be a “ground cover fund manager.” Much lower on the food chain.

Thanks to a friend for teaching me the meaning of plethora. It means a lot.

I recently read, on the same day, about a locust invasion in Africa and a grackle invasion in Burleson, Texas. Burleson doesn’t have anything on Waco. We’ll put our grackle invasions against anybody’s. The trick is to get our grackles to Africa to eat the locusts or at least gross them out so they would just leave.

Speaking of eating, I have a general understanding of what “organic” means. It’s like food that is grown without pesticides or other potentially harmful chemicals. It should be healthier. So now I saw a TV ad for organic gummy bears. What? Are gummy bears grown in dirt? Should we be fearful of older, nonorganic gummy bears?

A friend said someone stole his identity and his credit score went up 50 points

Do you remember anything about the second day of February 2020? It was an unusual day. First there was the Super Bowl, and then it was also Groundhog Day. But more unusual, it was a palindrome date — 02-02-2020. It reads the same forward and backward. The last time it happened was nine years ago (11-02-2011). The next palindrome date will happen next year. It will be on 12-02-2021.

Vicki says that she can share any secret with me. I won’t tell anybody because I wasn’t listening.

I heard that someone was in the catbird seat. Where did that come from? The “catbird seat,” I read, is an American idiomatic phrase used to describe an enviable position, often in terms of having the upper hand in any type of dealing among parties. The phrase derives from the common catbird’s habit of making mocking calls from a secluded perch. How common is the catbird? Don’t think I’ve ever seen a catbird or heard a mocking call from a secluded perch. Who are they mocking? Cats? Would a cat know it was being mocked? Of course, the mockingbird, not the catbird, is the state bird of Texas, and I have seen mockingbirds swoop down and attack a dog or cat. This is not mocking, this is attacking. It’s confusing.

I feel the same way about the “dead of night.” It means the middle of the night when it is darkest. Why is the middle of the night dead? What killed it?

I recently saw a Cadillac Escalade with white walls. Younger folks might know what a whitewall is. I remember when cars went to all black tires and how ugly I thought it was. I still do.

IF I WERE KING: Whitewall tires would make a comeback along with the gas prices that went along with them.