Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

We get mail addressed to “The Smith Family or Current Occupant.” Well, we’re both, so that’s a daily double. It would be nice to get personal mail every now and then. It’s almost gone. Someday folks will have to explain snail mail to their grandkids.

’Tis the season for a lot of football, and I do watch a lot. I saw part of a Virginia Tech game awhile back, and they have a defensive back named Divine Deablo. Just hearing the name, you would guess that his last name would be Diablo, spelled with an “i,” which means devil. So roughly, his name would translate as divine devil. An oxymoron? Or am I a moron for watching too much football?

Being a football play-by-play guy or color analyst on TV must be a very hard job, because there are so few who are good at it. I, for a little while, back in the ’70s, was a color guy for Marlin High School games on the radio. It was hard, and I was terrible at it.

I tire of the announcers’ talk of trying to get a certain player “into space.” I’d rather get him into the end zone. One announcer recently said that a running back “runs behind his pads.” This was a good thing. Think how much more impressive it would be if the running back ran in front of his pads. He would really be fast.

Speaking of high school and college, think how much easier they would be for us today with Google and Wikipedia and instant research on any subject. You would never have to get out of bed.

Did you hear that two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget’s Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last week? According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback and stupefied.

How many years can the TV cop on “The Rookie” be a rookie?

President Trump recently said that ISIS terrorist Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi “died like a dog.” How is that? It’s very sad when dogs die, and they should die with dignity. Maybe the expression should be “died like a cockroach;” then everybody would understand.

Speaking of the president, I heard that Hillary is considering running for president again in 2020.

If she did run, would she have a leg up? I understand the phrase, as in helping someone with a leg up, like getting on a horse. But can you have a leg down?

Would that be like hands down? And where does “hands down” come from? OK. I looked it up. When a jockey in a horse race is far enough ahead, he can slack off and drop his hands and loosen the reins … or hands down. He will win the race hands down.

Thinking of our government, why would we think it could fix health care if it can’t stop robocalls?

Like me, a friend is not very active. He’s not bedridden but probably what you would call recliner-ridden. He’s not into working out. His theory is “No pain, no pain.”

He also can’t stand burned toast. He is black toast intolerant.

If I get completely bald, what hair color will it say on my driver’s license?

Some ideas work, and some don’t. The “singing telegram” was marginally successful, but the “singing mammogram” apparently didn’t work at all.

Hope you all have a very merry Christmas and happy and prosperous New Year.

IF I WERE KING: You could win “hands down,” even if you didn’t have a “leg up.”

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