Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

When I was in school, I don’t remember any “gifted” classes. My three smart daughters were all in some variety of gifted and talented classes, but not me. I think I might have been in a “regifted” class.

Speaking of high school, when I was a junior I was going to join the debate team, but somebody talked me out of it.

I heard someone say that there had been “a parting of the ways.” It means a point at which two people or groups decide to separate or stop working together, usually after a disagreement. But why is it a parting of the “ways”? I guess they had different “ways” of doing things.

I also heard someone say that they “had a ways to go.” Shouldn’t it be a way to go? Maybe they were going in two different directions. If so, they would have a parting of the ways.

The only time I participated in a foot race was a 5K event a long, long time ago. Once was enough for me. But I wonder, just how far is a 401K?

I saw a dead buzzard on the side of the highway on my way to work for a few days in a row. I kept expecting it to be surrounded by dogs or deer, but it didn’t happen.

Speaking of dogs, a friend said his German shepherd is very well-disciplined. He thinks it must be an East German shepherd.

A friend said he knew when he was going to die because his birth certificate had an expiration date.

There is a TV ad for an online car shopping place. Two of the folks in the commercial see a cool car at the same time, and one of them says, “Jinx.” I remember from my childhood that when two of us said the same thing at the same time it would be a race to see who could say “jinx on a Coke” first. I’m not sure why Coke was the chosen prize, and I don’t remember anyone ever paying off the bet.

Speaking of TV commercials, Liberty Mutual has some clever ads, but the LiMu Emu is lame and a little irritating in my opinion.

Still speaking of TV spots, political correctness comes into play. Ace Hardware used to be the place with the “helpful hardware man.” Now it’s the place with the “helpful hardware folks.” I frequent my local Ace Hardware store, and female employees are helpful and know a whole lot more about fixing stuff than I do.

How is your vim level? I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word vim without “and vigor” added. I looked up vim, and it means the same thing as vigor. “Hello, hello. Department of Redundancy Department. Hello, hello.”

In July there was a ticker tape parade for our national women’s soccer team. What is ticker tape? According to Wikipedia, ticker tape was the first electrical medium dedicated to financial communication. Starting around 1870 stock price information was transmitted over telegraph lines. A stock ticker with a long paper strip running through it would print the abbreviated company names along with stock transaction prices and volume information. The term “ticker” originated due to the sound of the machine as it printed. Ticker tape remained in use until the 1960s when TV and computers became the standard for relaying information. In New York City, used ticker tape was cut and thrown from the windows above parades. With stock tickers obsolete, modern day parades have shredded paper thrown down to the streets below. Somehow the term “shredded paper parade” just doesn’t have the same appeal.

IF I WERE KING: Consecutive 100-degree days would be prohibited. W

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