Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

I was visiting my wonderful daughters in Frisco, driving with a son-in-law in the neighborhood, and I saw a service truck that said the company was a “grill cleaning” business. I asked and was told that some folks in North Dallas were so lazy that they have this company come out to clean their barbecue grills for them. Wow. It’s not that hard.

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.

Speaking of meet or meat, did you know that social vegans avoid meets.

I’ve lost weight, and most of my clothes are now too big. I guess I have ingrown them.

I’ve tried to gain weight, but eating is difficult these days. There are very few packages that I can open without help. If I didn’t have scissors, I would starve to death within a week.

I had to buy new blue jeans because my old ones would tend to make me look like one of those rappers with their underwear showing. Levi Strauss, 146 years ago, got a patent for work pants reinforced with metal rivets. I guess that overalls were popular at the time. In the patent, the new pants were called “waist overalls.” I guess that they not only were waist high, but they also didn’t waste more denim. By the 1920s they were the most popular work pant in the U.S. And today they are the most popular any-kind of pant in the U.S. and the world.

My shoes still fit, and I still use a shoehorn to put them on. Why is a shoehorn called a shoehorn? Originally, way back in the 1500s, they were made out of an animal’s horn, or probably half of a horn. Thank goodness for plastic, or we would have a lot of hornless cows.

Speaking of horns, a friend said recently that a mechanic told him he couldn’t fix his car’s brakes, but he could make his horn louder.

Speaking of cars, did you hear about the time that Houdini locked his keys in his car? Me neither.

I get tired of seeing the same TV commercials over and over. I wish Ray Liotta still smoked.

Is fettuccine Alfredo, macaroni and cheese for adults?

People are making jokes about the apocalypse like there’s no tomorrow.

I haven’t played golf in a long time, but I enjoy watching it on TV. I never was any good. My problem was that I was always standing too close to the ball … after I hit it. Watching the PGA Tour, I noticed that Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka hit their divots farther than I might hit the ball.

I read about the sailors who first discovered an island. One said, “Look, there’s land in the middle of water. What shall we call it?” The other said, “Well it is land, so let’s call it an island but pronounce it funny.”

Can you recall the good old days when cars and food products were not recalled?

He saw a sign in the grocery store that said Pet Supplies, so he did.

I read recently that someone was “kind to a fault.” How kind is that? Well, the phrase generally means excessively or too much. I guess one needs to get right on the line. The fault line. Don’t go over it, or you’re more than at fault.

More puns:

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead give-away.

IF I WERE KING: People who wanted to lose weight and people who wanted to gain weight could get together and trade.

Join the Conversation