Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

I sometimes tell my dog, “You smell like a dog.” I wonder if she thinks that’s a compliment or a complaint?

It was pointed out to me that apparently it’s only appropriate to say, “Look at you, how big you’ve gotten,” to children. Adults can get offended.

Speaking of adults, I thought that growing old would take a lot longer than it did.

I might get up and go for a 5-mile run in the morning. I also might get up and win the lottery in the morning. The odds are about the same.

I didn’t make it to the gym last week. That makes 15 years in a row.

And if I had to run for my life, I’d probably die. (OK, enough of the old folks stuff.)

Speaking of dying, I got a picture in an email of a clear, glass coffin. It asked the question, “Will glass coffins be popular?” Remains to be seen.

A female friend said that cremation was her last chance for a hot, smoking body.

I recently heard that someone or something had “run amok.” Well, what hasn’t? But what is amok? Merriam-Webster says that amok means “an episode of sudden mass assault against people or objects usually by a single individual following a period of brooding that has traditionally been regarded as occurring especially in Malaysian culture but is now increasingly viewed as psychopathological behavior occurring worldwide in numerous countries and cultures.” Wow! That’s a long sentence. I dozed off about halfway through. Still don’t know what it has to do with running.

Why is it called Scotland Yard if it’s in England? The name originates from the location of the original Metropolitan Police Service headquarters in London at 4 Whitehall Place, which had a rear entrance on a street named Great Scotland Yard. The Scotland Yard entrance was the public entrance to the police station, and over time the street and the Metropolitan Police became synonymous. The name is kind of cool, but it’s like calling the Waco Police Department … Pine Avenue. Would you be more law-abiding if you thought Pine Avenue was after you?

A friend who isn’t very high-tech said that if he were ever on life support, I should unplug him and plug him back in and see if that worked.

Speaking of running (awhile back), do you remember when we were young and kids would knock on their neighbor’s door and then run away? Those kids grew up to be UPS drivers.

Speaking of kids, my grandkids got a new Monopoly game for Christmas. The promised “cashless society” is getting closer. There is no Monopoly money in the new version of the game. There are little credit cards that work on a little battery operated credit card machine that keeps up with how much money you have. Watching them play, I missed the little stacks of play money. I guess they don’t get credit card bills and don’t have to pay them off. Is this preparing them for real life? And one more thing. Why is Hasbro the only company that makes Monopoly?

I recently heard someone on TV say that so-and-so holds the purse strings. It was probably Congress, which is scary. Well, do purses have strings? I guess it was like a little coin pouch that tied at the top with strings. Today, the idiom should be, “So-and-so controls the credit card.”

IF I WERE KING: If Wacoans began to run amok, Pine Avenue would be right on it.

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