Random Thoughts while Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

IHOP unexpectedly announced that it was changing its name to IHOb. At first they created some suspense and interest by not telling us what the “b” stood for. They broke their silence to tell us that the little b would stand for burgers. The International House of burgers. Why was pancakes spelled with a capital P but burgers is spelled with a lowercase b? Beef discrimination? Who knows? Oh well, you can now get a burger for breakfast. And put maple syrup on it. One could always HOP but probably not HOb, unless with some knobs.

I was driving down (or maybe up) Highway 6 the other day and came up behind a fancy motor home pulling a small pickup with a Michigan license plate. (It was headed south, so I guess that’s down. Aha?) I said to myself, “A snowbird!” But wait, it’s June. I think he must have been a sunbird. He’s going to South Texas to get a really good tan. The McAllen Chamber of Commerce needs to get ahead of this trend.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

Speaking of sun, why does the sun lighten your hair and darken your skin?

As yardwork in the evening continues, I wonder why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes.

And speaking of yards in the evening, I’m 70-something and still get a kick out of lightning bugs.

Speaking of getting older, I guess I no longer have a spring in my step. It could be a summer in my step, but most likely it will be a fall in my step.

Political correctness has caused a lot of change in our world and not all to the good. I predict that the Miss America pageant will soon find itself in the ashcan (is that an old trash can?) of history. Maybe it will last for a couple of years if it can find sponsors who don’t care about ratings. Why the demise? They are doing away with both the swimsuit and evening gown competitions. I have always enjoyed looking at beautiful women in bikinis. So there. I could be a criminal.

The interview portion of the pageant was always the most boring and embarrassing. Asking really tough questions of young ladies, who (like me) aren’t prepared to solve the world’s problems, questions that President Trump couldn’t answer, isn’t a good idea. So now the whole program will essentially be interviews. Since they are doing away with beauty, they should have the pageant on the radio only. That way we couldn’t see the contestants. Or maybe they could have blind judges or judges with blindfolds. I won’t know how they work it out because I won’t be watching.

You may have seen the recent Indianapolis 500 winner’s last name is Power. You probably also noticed that his first name is Will. Will Power! Did his parents want to prepare him to be mentally strong?

Our new dog is very high maintenance. She really doesn’t like it when you quit petting her. I think I’m a therapy human for my dog.
What the heck is a beck? It is part of the phrase “beck and call.” Beck and call means to be entirely subservient to someone or to be responsive to their slightest request, as in smart husbands to their wives. That is the only place that the word beck (probably short for beckon) is ever used. Seems like a waste of a word.

IF I WERE KING: Miss America contestants would become sunbirds and suntan in South Texas in their bikinis, on national TV.

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