Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Someone came up with a list of the funniest

Town names in each of the 50 states. The ones I enjoyed the most are: Smuteye, Alabama. (I have no idea what a smut eye is, but I should ask an optometrist.) Why, Arizona. (Why not?) Goobertown, Arkansas. (They loved Andy Griffith.) Booger Hole, West Virginia. (Who nose why someone chose this name.) No Name, Colorado. (Probably a town of procrastinators who will get around to naming the town later.) Two Egg, Florida. (I guess since it’s Florida, it’s sunny-side up.) Some towns aren’t too excited about their towns, I guess … Normal, Illinois; Neutral, Kansas; Boring, Maryland. Then there’s Waterproof, Louisiana. (Flooding is not a problem.) Nimrod, Minnesota. (Stupid is as stupid does.) And then there is Dummer, New Hampshire. (Dummer than Nimrod?) Worms, Nebraska. (What should we name our town? I don’t know, but we have a lot of worms around here.) Lizard Lick, North Carolina. (Don’t try this at home.) For Texas, Ding Dong was the winner.

Ding Dong is in Bell County and was founded by two brothers named Bell. They asked a sign painter to paint them a sign, and he painted two bells — one for each brother. Underneath one bell he wrote Ding and under the other he wrote Dong, and thus Ding Dong, Texas.

My favorite town name on the list was Pee Pee Creek, Ohio. (Their town motto should be “We’re No. 1.”) You wouldn’t want to be there without a paddle.

Speaking of procrastinating (see No Name, Colorado, above), why do say we put things on the back burner? I’m told that when cooking, you put things that need stirring on the front burner so they’re easy to get to. Pots that need little or no attention go on the back burner. I don’t get stirred up too often, so maybe my life is on the back burner.

Speaking of cooking and food, I saw a question on Facebook that asked, What food do you dislike that most everyone else loves? I thought of several — collard greens, sweet potatoes and spinach, for example. But my first choice would be onions. I don’t like the taste or the aftertaste. And another thing, how can you love a food that makes you cry? Why do onions make you cry? Because they’re mean!

And since you asked, amino acid sulfoxides form sulfenic acids after you slice into an onion. Enzymes that were kept separate are now free to mix with the sulfenic acids to produce syn-propanethial-S-oxide, a volatile sulfur compound that wafts upward toward your eyes. This gas reacts with the water in your tears to form sulfuric acid. The sulfuric acid burns, stimulating your eyes to release tears to wash away the irritant. Isn’t science fun?

I heard about a shopper who tried to go to Target but missed.

We all love and honor our first responders. As a justice of the peace, I get called out to perform an inquest when there is a fatality. First, 911 is called by a civilian. The 911 dispatchers then call the police or sheriff’s office, and then they call the EMS folks. After that, they call the JP. So I think that makes me a third responder, with no love or honor.

Did you know that “daymare” is a word? As you would probably guess, it’s a bad dream in the daytime. It mostly occurs at work.

A friend said that he knows when he is going to die because his birth certificate had an expiration date.

IF I WERE KING: Cats would come if you called them and wouldn’t if you didn’t.