Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Why do I say to Vicki, "Wow, It's really windy Outside"?

Where else is it going to be really windy?

Have you noticed a change in the Dairy Queen jingle? It used to be “That’s what I like about Texas.” Now it’s “That’s what I love about Texas.” It’s a subtle difference but meaningful. Our bond with our great state is more than just “like.” The DQ is one of hundreds of things we love about Texas.

Watching the horrible hurricanes in Texas and Florida, we have more to love about Central Texas. We don’t have floods or forest fires or earthquakes. The last major tornado in the immediate area was more than 60 years ago. We can live with an occasional tornado watch.

Speaking of watches, someone said if you link enough watches together to make a belt, it would be a waist of time.

Back to hurricanes, why do network TV reporters feel that they must stand out in the hurricanes with such strong winds and heavy rain that they have trouble standing up, much less talking normally? Are they trying for awards? Maybe the Darwin Award?

Joan Lunden was a host of “Good Morning America” from 1980 to 1997. She was very appealing and is still very attractive at age 66. She is currently doing an ad for a referral service to locate good nursing homes. It’s called A Place for Mom. I’m sure it’s a good service, but isn’t its name a little too sexist for today’s PC climate? What about a place for Dad? I guess Dad can just follow Mom like a little puppy dog. Just like he has done all his married life.

Speaking of marriage, an Alabama man is suing to marry a computer. I’m not sure who he’s suing; I guess the state marriage license office. He’s not really serious but says that if a man can legally marry another man, one should be able to marry a machine or a computer. He said he married his computer in New Mexico and now wants the marriage acknowledged in Alabama. According to him, the computer had female traits. That’s interesting. What female traits?

As you might guess, the internet has some suggestions about why computers are feminine. Nobody besides the person who created them is able to understand their logic. Even your smallest mistake is stored immediately in memory, only to be a problem later on when you’re not expecting it. When you’ve finally decided to have one, you know you’ll spend lots of money on accessories for it. And finally, you have to admit the fact that once you’ve had one you wouldn’t want to live without it.

I heard about a group of asexual folks who were protesting for the right not to marry anyone.

My dog, Bad Dog Parker, is too fat. I try to cut back on the amount of dog food I give him, but it doesn’t seem to work. I try to give him less table scraps, but that doesn’t work too well because anytime any food hits the floor, Parker is like an instant vacuum cleaner. So I’m thinking Parker wouldn’t be so fat if I had better table manners.

I see ads for humidifiers and for dehumidifiers. What would happen if you had both of them in the same room?

A friend said that working at the fire hydrant manufacturing plant was a pretty good job but you couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

Another friend said that she stayed at a really old hotel. They sent a wake-up letter to her room.

IF I WERE KING: I would solve the health care problem by making everyone healthy.