Random Thoughts

By Jack Smith

While Driving in Waco

I read that more records and record players have been sold this year than in the last 28 years. Why? I don’t know. Nostalgia? An anti-digital revolt? Somewhere in a box we still have some old 45s and LPs we’d be happy to loan out. Next people will want cars with stick shifts and no air conditioning.

On my way to Austin, recently, I stopped in Temple for a quick hamburger. I looked at the board and ordered a regular hamburger, fries and a Coke. The bill was $13.61. I was surprised. It was a big hamburger but not big enough for five guys … or girls. Do you remember when the original McDonald’s burgers (such as they were) cost 19 cents?

The older I get, the less success I have working in the yard. The work seems harder, and I get hot and tired much more quickly. I’m about to give up yard work. As someone said, “I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.”

It’s fun to watch softball. The young ladies have fun. They laugh, do silly chants and hand jives. They act like it’s just a game. Silly girls.

What is the euphemism of the year? Young criminals used to be referred to as “juvenile delinquents.” This was early political correctness. Not too serious. Now, as you might guess, “delinquent” is too strident and might hurt someone’s self-esteem. So the administration (President Obama’s) has come up with a new term — “justice-involved youth.” Sounds like they have switched sides.

Another crazy political correctness. I read where someone (probably a college professor) said that correcting someone’s grammar is racist. I must apologize to my daughters. I may have been the king of grammar correcting. I corrected them every time they misspoke. I got tired of it, and so did they, but it worked. If they accept my apology, they can do so using correct grammar.

There is a commercial on TV for an antacid. A woman in a restaurant is complaining to her friend about heartburn. A handsome fireman slides down a pole and offers her some pill for relief. He is apparently a stud muffin because the other lady looks at the fireman lovingly and longingly and utters three magic words: “I have heartburn.”

Another commercial shows teenage grandkids showing up at the grandparent’s front porch, where the grandmother hands them a smart phone, iPad and some other device and says, “None of these work. Come on in.” That ad has both humor and truth. A great combination.

You probably heard that Prince died. It was in the news. He left an estate of somewhere between $500 million and a billion dollars, and so far no will has been found. He left one full sibling and four half siblings behind. A five-way split of the estate would be very rewarding. Apparently, too rewarding. As of this writing, more than 700 people have claimed to be his brother or sister. That was one heck of a big family. I thought about filing my claim as his older brother, but the fact that I might be older than his parents would be problematic.

Speaking of my old age, there is a new pill that is supposed to improve short-term memory. I went to the drug store thinking I would try it out, but when I got there I couldn’t remember its name.

IF I WERE KING: Justice-involved youth would help their grandparents fix their digital devices while using good grammar and not causing heartburn.

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