Random Thoughts

By Jack Smith

While Driving in Waco

I would never ever be able to spell “hors d’oeuvres” without looking it up, and it’s always difficult to find words in the dictionary that you don’t know how to spell. Especially goofy French words. But if you’re ever looking for “hors d’oeuvres,” you’ll find it just above “horse.” As you know, it’s pronounced “or-derve.”

Anyway, my bad dog, Parker, will eat anything that falls on the floor. We should rename him Hoover based on the way he can clean the floor, but that wouldn’t be right because Parker really hates vacuum cleaners. Maybe we could rename him Nature because, you know, Nature abhors a vacuum. Now I have digressed from my digression.
What I started to say is that Parker loves floor food, which should be called “floor-derves,” which the goofy French folks would spell “flors d’oeuvres.” Thus endeth the spelling lesson.

Speaking of word definitions, I also had to look up the word “experiential.” It means “related to, derived from or providing experience.” Sean Penn, an actor who’s been in lots of movies that I haven’t seen, went to Mexico and interviewed El Chapo, the world’s worst drug dealer and a man responsible for the deaths of hundreds or probably thousands of people. Penn was representing Rolling Stone magazine, which was already in journalistic purgatory for a bogus story about a rape at the University of Virginia. Penn and Rolling Stone agreed to let El Chapo edit and approve the final article before printing it, which is frowned on in Journalism 101. Anyway, Penn was interviewed by Charlie Rose on “60 Minutes” and asked about the journalistic malfeasance. Penn said it was OK because he was an “experiential journalist.” (Could we say he Penned that term?) Well, so am I. I write some, and I have some experience. So if you find journalistic malfeasance in my columns, it’s OK because I’m merely an experiential journalist.

Super Bowl 50 was pretty entertaining. Many of the commercials were good. I particularly liked the Doritos sonogram commercial and the singing sheep. The halftime show was OK. I like Bruno Mars, mostly because of his name and his dancing. I didn’t know that Beyoncé’s performance was controversial until the next day. Some thought her song was anti-police. I wasn’t affected at all because I didn’t understand any of the words to the song.

While Ronald Reagan used to tell great jokes, there’s not much humor in politics these days. But I admired former Gov. Mike Huckabee when he dropped out of the presidential race. He said he dropped out due to illness. He said the voters were sick of him.

Speaking of politics, two congressmen were talking and one said, “I don’t know why people hate us so much. We haven’t done anything.”

Still speaking of politics, in the Democratic caucuses in Iowa, at six caucus sites the votes ended in a tie, so they flipped a coin to determine the winner. Hillary won all six. Bernie got burned. That was really good luck for Secretary Clinton. The odds against winning six coin tosses in a row is said to be 64 to 1. Hillary should buy a lottery ticket. If Bernie is elected, she wouldn’t have to buy a ticket. They would be free.

New Year’s resolutions are mostly gone. I can’t believe I forgot to exercise last week. That’s like five years in a row. One friend said he was giving up his New Year’s resolutions for Lent.

IF I WERE KING: We would consider picking our president by flipping coins. Could it be worse than the present system?