Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

Jack can be reached at jwsmith2@flash.net

I wonder if after I write my last column someone will come and pronounce my Last Writes?
According to a recent study, 7% of Americans think that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. When voting, there should be a question: Do you think that chocolate milk comes from brown cows? If a person answers yes, that vote won’t count.

Speaking of cows and milk, did you hear that cows give more milk if farmers talk to them? It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

A female friend (as opposed to a girl friend) recently commented on Facebook how much she enjoyed the movie “Ford v. Ferrari.” I was a little surprised because I thought the movie would be a “male” movie, the opposite of a chick flick. I then wondered if there was a term for a male movie. I couldn’t think of one, but we need one. How about a Bro Show?

I know you heard that Prince Andrew has retired from public life. (Oh no! What will we do?) This was considered big news. I’m not sure that I knew there was a Prince Andrew before the scandal. He may be retired until some court asks him to come out of retirement.

I recently realized that I have trouble thinking inside the box.

Now that Christmas is over, we need to worry about writing 2020 instead of 2019. I saw a story last month about how there was a trend of people hanging their Christmas trees upside down. Watch out for those people. They may be driving their cars only in reverse.

A 3-year-old boy opened his Christmas gift from his grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. The father was not so pleased. He turned to his mother and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?” Mom smiled and then replied, “Yes, I do.”

My youngest daughter, Lauren, is a University of Texas graduate and football fan, as am I. During UT games we text back and forth. Watching the UT vs. Texas Tech game, Tech jumped out to an early 14-0 lead. After recent similar disappointments, I texted Lauren, “I give up.” Texas then came back strong and won the game 49-24. I needed to make amends, so I texted Lauren, “I give down.” I hope it worked.

When people ask where my hometown of Marlin is, I sometimes respond, “About 28 miles south of Waco, on Highway 6, on the outskirts of Walmart.” What is an outskirt? One definition is the area between the city and the suburbs. But if you don’t have suburbs, I guess it’s the area between the city and nothing. I guess within the city limits would be the inskirts.

CBD is a big thing. A ton of products are made with CBD, which is part of the hemp plant that doesn’t get you high. It apparently has a lot of potential medical benefits. But, as usual, folks are taking this too far. I saw an ad for CBD dog treats. I’m not making this up. You can buy 50 treats for $50. Don’t mention this in front of your dogs, and they won’t know what they are missing.

Speaking of medical issues, I had a nosebleed recently for no apparent reason. I got to thinking. I’ve had lots of nosebleeds in my life but never a bloody nose. There is a difference.

Did you ever wonder if Popeye’s chicken is fried in Olive oil? Me neither.

IF I WERE KING: Global warming would apply only in winter.

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