Random Thoughts While Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

A radical feminist magazine (are there other kinds?)

Called Medusa Magazine published an article to inform us that we shouldn’t misgender our pets. What? It says that pets can’t tell us if they are misgendered. I think I knew that. The article suggests that we should give our pets gender-neutral names and refer to them as “they” rather than “he” or “she.” What is a gender-neutral name for a dog? Andy? Dale? Kendall? Lou? Pat? Sydney? Chrysanthemum? I hope that this unknown magazine is satirical but who knows. My bad dog, Parker (a gender-neutral name), doesn’t know or care.

Speaking of misgender, there is another new word growing in use. It is “cisgender.” I didn’t know exactly what cisgender meant, although it seems to have a negative connotation in the media. So, I looked it up. A cisgender person is one “whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex.” In other words, you and me and 99.9 percent of people in the world.

As college football approaches, one sports writer has put out a list of the best player names for the incoming class of 2017. They include Chad President, Lyndon Johnson, Bishop Louie, Monterious Loggins, Zander Zimmer, Charleston Rambo, Amen Ogbongbemiga, Hasan Defense, Jazz Peavy, Freedom Akinmoladun, Fofi Bazzie, Bunmi Rotimi, Chaz Ah You, Handsome Tanielu, Equanimeous St. Brown and Squally Canada.

I don’t know if there has ever been a cup of coffee on our coffee table. Maybe we should call it a book table or magazine table. There are “coffee table books.” They are large and colorful and usually on sale at Barnes & Noble. Wonder if you can get a coffee table book about coffee?

If you work at Lipton or Tetley, can you take a coffee break?

A friend said he had furniture issues. He said his rear end was out on his recliner. He said he would fix it when he got home and got back in it.

Can food be political? Of course, anything can be political these days. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says that cheese is the most sexist of all foods. Why? Because cheese comes from abused female cows. (Is milk OK, or is it just cheese? I guess milk isn’t a food but a beverage. A very sexist beverage.) PETA didn’t say anything about eating steaks from male cows, so I guess that’s OK. Who cares about male cows or people?

My politics change over time. I think I am currently a “middle-winger.”

Speaking of politics, I’m beginning to think that there is a correlation between tweet and twit.

As we all know, one shouldn’t buy a pig in a poke. It means that we shouldn’t buy something without examining it first. What is a “poke,” and why would a pig be in one? A poke is a sack, probably like a gunnysack. Apparently, back in the old days, someone might put a pig in a poke to take it to market. If you didn’t look in the poke, you might find out that there wasn’t really a pig in there but some other animal. Which leads to another expression for pig-in-a-poke sellers: “Don’t let the cat out of the bag.”

IF I WERE KING: Kim Jong Un, North Korea’s not-so-Great Leader, would be replaced by a mentally stable, common sense, peace-loving person after Kim quit, so he could devote his time to a study of whether cheese is misgendered or cisgendered.

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