Random Thoughts while Driving in Waco

By Jack Smith

We recently had a mini vacation with two other couples.

Vicki had read that if you think you might be having a heart attack, you should quickly take four aspirin. So she gave each of the men a little plastic container with four aspirin inside. She said we should have them in our pockets at all times and that she would be checking. We kept our promise for the remaining two days of the vacation. I’m not sure I could swallow an aspirin, or four, without water. I guess I need to carry a container of water in my pocket also.

Speaking of bottled water, I read that in 2016 — for the first time in the U.S. — bottled water outsold sodas by volume. This could be another sign of the apocalypse: people paying billions of dollars to buy something that is free almost everywhere.

You probably heard about the transgender student who was involved in a Texas high school wresting competition. She wants to become a boy, so she is taking hormones toward that end. She won the girls state wrestling title in her division. This raises lots of questions. The first one that comes to my mind is: Why do we have girls wrestling as a sport? For that matter, why do we have boys wrestling?

There is a TV ad with a married couple advertising a weight-loss system. The wife said that she lost 110 pounds and she and her husband were now able to go on a cruise. I’m not sure what she (or the script writer) was thinking. I’ve been on several cruises, and there is obviously no restriction on weight limit. The all-you-can-eat buffet is a big draw for big people, and me too.

My high school granddaughter was given a writing assignment with the subject of teen safety. The obvious options were texting and driving and, of course, drinking and driving. One of her smart-aleck relatives suggested writing about the dangers of drinking and texting.

I don’t play golf much, but I’m pretty good at it. My main handicap is that darn windmill.

The new TV show “24: Legacy” is similar to the original “24” in some ways. It takes place in “real time” for one hour each episode. Recently the episode began with “The following takes place between 5 p.m. and 6 p.m.” I was expecting to see all of the heroes and protagonist stuck in 5 o’clock traffic for an hour.

A guy texted U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement to say that he was concerned about his mother-in-law being deported. He said she was illegal and that she lived at 824 Oak Street and got off work at 4:30 p.m.

Our world is getting goofier each day. A woman named Caitlin Moran, described as a “widely-celebrated feminist author and columnist,” said that girls shouldn’t read any books written by men. She said maybe after they are grown, they could handle it. That lets out Shakespeare, Mark Twain, Dr. Seuss and Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I guess they can read “Harry Potter” and “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

In other mind-blowing news, two students at Pitzer College in California have demanded that white girls quit wearing hoop earrings, saying that hoop earrings “belong to the black and brown folks who created the culture.” They say it is racist because white girls are appropriating their style. Actually, hoop earrings were first noted in 2,500 B.C. and have appeared in every culture since.

IF I WERE KING: We would somehow reverse our country’s trend toward a bottomless well of stupidity.

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