Random Thoughts

By Jack Smith

while Driving in Waco

How dependent are we on computers? A friend and I were having breakfast at a restaurant in Maine recently while our wives shopped. At the end of the meal our waiter said that their computers were down, so our breakfast was free. That was the best technology glitch I’ve ever experienced. Just wish I’d ordered more bacon. If I had been the manager, I would have written the costs on a napkin, if necessary, and if I couldn’t open the cash register, I’d use a cigar box for cash. The waiter was able to take a tip. His personal computer must have been working.

I was on a hotel elevator while we were in Maine, and a poster on the wall said, “How ‘bout them apples?” I think apples are a big crop in Maine, and some were available in the breakfast area. But where did that phrase come from? Research says we’re not sure, but it might have been from World War I, when some small bombs were apple-shaped and American soldiers would ask, “How do you like them apples?” I guess the answer was, “Not so much.”

Speaking of food, when is the best time to find the smallest crowds at the grocery store? The answer is during a Dallas Cowboys football game. Apparently, wives stay home with their couch-potato husbands. But if the team keeps losing, the grocery stores may fill up again.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

There was a recent study that said too much sitting is bad for you. Not too serious, just heart disease, diabetes and premature death. The study said if you sit too much (like at work and in the car and at home, watching TV) you have a 24 percent increase in the chance of dying, even if you exercise. It’s not a problem for me. I put my recliner in the flattest position and kind of lie down while watching TV. If this makes me a health nut, so be it.

There are a lot of ads on TV for reverse mortgages. The two most frequently shown are one staring Fred Thompson (movie/TV actor, former U.S. senator and former presidential candidate) and Henry Winkler (TV actor). If you were going to get a reverse mortgage, would you go with a former U.S. senator or the Fonz? With the Fonz’s reverse mortgage, you might have Happy Days. Maybe someone should come up with a reverse car payment.

A friend said his girlfriend brought 10,000 bees and put them in his backyard. He thinks she’s a keeper.

Another friend said that I shouldn’t make a big deal out of him just because he got his doctorate in reverse psychology. I’m not sure what to do.

It’s long been said that “the squeaky wheel get the grease.” I’ve never greased a wheel or seen anyone else do it. Maybe I’ve lived a sheltered life. So I don’t know about squeaky wheels, but I do know that the wilted grass gets the water.

There’s been a lot of political talk lately about a witch hunt, as in a certain political candidate and emails. What do you do if you go on a witch hunt and find a witch?

Could we just ban people who want to ban things?

There’s a new James Bond movie in the making. If you’re a world-famous spy, like James Bond, does that mean you’re not very good at it?

Maybe if we make kids color inside the lines instead of allowing this expressionist stuff, they’ll be able to park in parking spaces when they grow up.

IF I WERE KING: Sitting would be good for you, reclining would be better and sleeping would be best.

Join the Conversation